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Monologue Jokes – April 10, 2013
1. The UConn ladies basketball team beat Louisville last night to claim the NCAA Women’s Basketball Championship in New Orleans. Really NCAA? Haven’t the people the people of New Orleans suffered...
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September 24, 2013 – Monologue Jokes
1. Sunday night, after winning an Emmy, actor Michael Douglas took a shot at the prison system, questioning how his son, who has been held in solitary confinement at a federal prison on drug charges,...
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December 4, 2013 – Monologue Jokes
1. House Speaker John Boehner rejected the label that this is a “do nothing” session of Congress, telling reporters Tuesday on Capitol Hill, “we’ve done our work.” Really? What about that time you...
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February 3, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Saturday night, Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning won the NFL’s regular season MVP award. Said Manning, “So you know it wasn’t my fault.” 2. Last night boxer Floyd Mayweather reportedly...
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February 12, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. The NBA’s New Orleans Pelicans announced on Monday that its mascot, Pierre the Pelican, will have reconstructive surgery for “a broken beak.” The team also announced that the mascot will change its...
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June 16, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. A Long Island strip club held a promotion over the weekend where the first 100 dads to arrive on Fathers’ Day received free admission and a complimentary lap dance. The fathers were encouraged to...
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January 6, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. New Orleans Saints linebacker Junior Galette was arrested on Monday on a misdemeanor charge of domestic battery. Galette said he didn’t want to get arrested for hitting his girlfriend but it was...
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January 28, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. President Obama told CNN the type of small drone that crashed on the White House grounds on Monday is available at Radio Shack which illustrates the need for more restrictions over the new...
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May 20, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. A Chinese businessman has reportedly spent $8 million to hire a Japanese porn star to be his personal assistant for the next fifteen years. Funny story about the first time he asked her to ‘take a...
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June 4, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. Four people who cheered, allegedly excessively, for loved ones at a high school graduation ceremony in Senatobia, Mississippi were arrested and fined for disturbing the peace. But, in their defense,...
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February 9, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. In response to a college student telling Republican presidential candidate Jeb Bush that the 2016 election would be his first time voting, the former Florida governor said, “I want to be your...
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April 13, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. BuzzFeed fell a stunning $80 million short of projected revenues last year and has reportedly slashed its projections for 2016 in half. Which explains the article featured on their homepage today...
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July 19, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. Germany is planning new legislation to require manufacturers of cars equipped with autopilot to install a black box to help determine responsibility in the event of an accident. As opposed to every...
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September 23, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. Rumors are circulating that actors Emma Watson and Margot Robbie are set to star in an all-female remake of “Brokeback Mountain.” The current working title of the film is “The Best Movie Ever Made!”...
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July 20, 2018 – Monologue Jokes
1. While on his first presidential trip to England, Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders tweeted a picture of the President sitting in Winston Churchill’s chair. Thus keeping Trump’s streak alive of...
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June 17, 2019 – Monologue Jokes
1. According to a new study, children who are exposed to tobacco smoke from their fathers while they’re in the womb may be more likely than those who are not to develop asthma by age 6. Begging the...
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